You can't understand me.

You cant understand,because its humanly impossible to categorize me.
Even the tightest stereotype,falls lose around my neck
And i'm smiling,because no matter how hard you try,it will never stick long.

I cant even label myself,they havent made one that "fitting" yet..

Labels make things easier.
Labels sickly clarify the dysfunctional, atmosphere

helps us understand the reality,the nature..


Science,numbers,rules,and long division..

all such labels, to make things simple.

To give it a name.

to be able to slam it down in a text book,
to be able to close the cover or flip the page.

to have all the entire reason of its existence,all the infinite answers in the desperate grip of your shaking hands,
as you wait in the checkout line at the local library..

how beautiful is that?

to be able to understand?

Oh but,you cant understand me that way. You never will.


i'm alone.


No one will listen,they say they do,they say they want to.. but they lie. and It feels good at the time as I lose blood from their knives in my frail spine

Its just a game,you know?

Its a pity thing. Its a fooling thing.

They do love me,they probably do..but not enough.

And i'm alone..

theres no one to tell

no support,no shoulder to lean on

no chest to cry into


people just look at me like im mad


I am mad,but im sane at the same time.


and.. your brain cant focus on the median of sanity and insanity.


I'm not like those girls who all huddle up in the bathroom,passing down the toothbrush from under neath the stall,


one gag at a time,and the emptiness is gone.

one flush away, One wipe of the mouth.one lip gloss application. One pull down on the skirt.

Out of the door,and gone away,


I dont need anyone.

I dont really need friends, i tell myself.

I stay alone,in the corner..by myself.

I'm not like those kids who wear sullen on their face..

ive been told i'm very diverse and versatile,

sometimes.. I look okay. Sometimes,I'm quite delightful.At least my mouth reads that way.

cant say my eyes,but my lips are good at fooling.



I'm not like that hollow girl,20 lbs,6 foot tall,designer mini gown backstage,alone..
a cigarette in her hand, a dead on,blank stare.. into the absent space of I dont know what.

no thats not me.

i dont need to smoke my pain away.

im all alone.

no cigarette..

I'm just me.

just maybe.

Just maybe..

like a used handkerchief
tired and ragged
maybe,just maybe
i'll throw her away
if she wont throw me away

ive become a patient
of my own asylum
classy,and Victorian
yet still cold and worn out
we all bleed the same

maybe,just maybe
ive tired from
the rings under my eyes
the blisters on my lips
dizzy head,a sore brain
bleeding thoughts and aching heart

maybe,just maybe
ive tired from
a torn stomach and throbbing limbs
restless hours
ticking, ticking

the smell so wretched,
something dripping from my lips
after "healing"like they say I've attempted
but why does feeding feel so bad?

maybe,just maybe.

beauty is poison.

Dont tell me its wrong to be beautiful
dont tell me its wrong to be soft
dont force me to compromise,or subside my roaring tide

dont punish me for being in the middle
dont say I am all things promiscuous,and vile
dont despise me for capturing others eyes

its ok to have soft skin
its ok to have deep eyes
its ok to have full lips
its ok to have hair, long
its ok to have a dancing figure

dont try to change me

dont try to put out my burning flame
youre not water,
you never were.

why cant I touch
without having to touch
why cant i look
without having to love


I am not trash, I am elegance


Why cant I just be?
Why cant I just remain
?
without a storm having to raise
and a million of moving lips,speak of rumors and hate



dont label me for the stockings on my legs
accept me,for who i am.


its ok to be sensual,
it doesnt mean I crave anothers lips
its ok to be sensual,
it doesnt mean i belong to anyone else besides you.


dont resent me,for being a girl.